Friday, January 25, 2019

A Season of Love and Hate

Every day has its ups and downs.
Highs and lows.
Loves and hates.

I am in LOVE with my classes this semester.
I am taking 14.5 hours, two and a half of those hours being social dance, aka the new love of my life, and chorus. The other three classes are dedicated to Shakespeare, the English Renaissance and journalism.

My favorite class by far has to be social dance!
Three times a week I learn how to dance.
Right now, we are focusing on the waltz, probably one of the most romantic dances out there.
Something about partner dances makes me swoon.
A guy that can dance well gets brownie points from me.
I love dancing, I always have. I did ballet for seven years, and then continued to dance on stage in theatrical productions all of middle and high school.

I have come to learn that dancing, like any other sport or activity is all about confidence.
Confidence in your partner, confidence in yourself that you remember the steps and confidence in your body to dance!

When I was in ballet class, I was not confident.
I hated my body and hated the way I looked in a leotard. 
I hated that I was being judged by my looks and my ability to do a certain dance move.
Being back in a dance class has brought back those memories of being self-conscious, because I am forced in a room surrounded by mirrors.

I notice that I get to see and judge my body from all angles in class. 
I hate that I do that, but I can’t help to see my imperfections.

This semester it is alarming how many friends are struggling with feeling less confident in their bodies and are turning to binge eating or excessive exercise.
It has never been so evident to me before the number of friends and classmates that are troubled with eating disorders.

The news is very upsetting to me.
But I understand how hard it is to be a college girl and feel that everyone is always looking at you and judging you, and that the world feels like a mirror, everyone always looking at your imperfections, like the mirrors in dance class.

I have a healthy relationship with food but there have been times I have not treated my body properly and treated myself poorly by telling myself I was fat or that I didn’t like this part of my legs or that part of my butt.

Every day is not the same, some days I am more confident than others, but every day I try to remind myself that I am beautiful and that I am thankful that my body can dance in dance class without any physical impairments.

It is not easy to love ourselves. I find that I am very hard on myself, both physically at the gym but also mentally and emotionally.

Since the season of Valentine’s Day is coming up, I want to make a vow to love each and every part of myself, each and everyday.
Let’s make it our mission to love others the same.
Ignore the “imperfections” and just be happy and thankful for your health and your life.


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