Wednesday, July 18, 2018

College Relationships: What They are, Where you Find Them and How to be Successful in Them, as told by 6 College Girls and 6 College Boys from Wake Forest University, New York University, Richmond University, Clemson University, University of South California, Loyola University and the University of Kentucky

J Crew Factory white eyelet top | J Crew light pink high waisted shorts with a bow | Jack Rogers Hampton sandals in platinum | Tory Burch double pearl stud earrings

After two years in college I would like to say that I have a nice grasp of what college relationships are like. And I think so do my friends and that’s why I’ve enlisted their help with this blog post! I have asked friends from school and friends from home to answer my questions to help you guys better understand college relationships all over the country.

Going into college I was so excited for all the new experiences and all the new boys (crazy I know) I was going to meet! 
I come from a pretty small town and I only graduated with 280 kids in my grade and everyone has known everyone since preschool. By the time I reached my senior year of high school, I was ready for a change and I was ready to meet some new people.

When I was getting ready to go to college, I was interested in learning all about college and specifically what boys are like in college. I wanted to be prepared. I religiously watched HelloKaty’s boy advice videos and any other boy advice video I could get my hands on.

I wanted to do the same for y’all. I would have loved to read a blog post like this back when I was going into college and I still read blog posts like these, because let’s be honest college boys or men in general are difficult to figure out.

I have recruited my twin brother, who’s anonymous answers are down below, to be in the photos with me to show how a TALL and PREPPY BOY dresses! 

I have asked 12 of my friends: 6 college guys and 6 college girls to assist me in this blog post. I have kept their names anonymous for their privacy. Each person is color-coded, so you can see their responses throughout all of the questions!
These are all of my friend’s words, I just edited some responses to keep it PG-13 and for grammar and mechanics.

Hope you learn something and/or get a good laugh!

1.    What type of college relationships are there? Define each relationship.

Girl #1- I think there are three different kinds of relationships: hook-ups- casual sex with no strings attached, exclusively hooking-up- only hooking-up with one person and vice versa but you’re not boyfriend and girlfriend, and then a boyfriend and girlfriend relationship.

Girl #2-There are frat party hook-ups which are one-night stands, typically no strings attached. There are “things” which are a more exclusive relationship, but still not yet official. And then there are official/exclusive/monogamous relationships.

Girl #4- There are long distance relationships, casual- one-night stands, friends with benefits, boyfriend/girlfriend, and couples that met early on in college and are going to get married.

Girl #5- There is the boyfriend/girlfriend relationship- where you meet in class and start dating, one-night stands- where you meet at a party and sleep together usually once, casually hooking-up- you have a plan and you and this person hook-up consistently, friends with benefits- a friend that you continue to be friends with even though you’re hooking-up and then of course there are friends and acquaintances.

Girl #6- Ok so there’s people you hook-up with, friends, friends with benefits, “talking,” and boyfriend/girlfriend.

Boy #1- There are boyfriend/girlfriend relationships where it’s exclusive, there are casual friends with benefits which is just like hook-ups and that’s it. And then there’s friendships which is self-explanatory.

Boy #2- There are lots of types of college relationships- from hooking-up and not even speaking to full on attached at the hip. There is definitely beauties to each one although I don’t think either extreme is great. It is odd because people are all over the map for their “long-term goals.” Some people are dating for the physical or social aspect of it, and some people are dating in hopes to marry the person they meet, the MRS Degrees.

Boy #3- There is “Together Forever,” where a couple met week one of freshman year and have been together ever since, and already have entire lives planned out together. “Abroad Baes,” where you met them abroad, and fell in love with them while abroad in a foreign country, only to leave and never see them again. There is “Friends with Benefits” - just best friends, who also have sex. And finally, there is “Casual,” just friends who date, and hang out. “Casual” is the grand majority of college relationships.

Boy #4- There are random people, classmates, acquaintances/people you meet at a party, friends, best friends/roommates, one-night stand people, consistent hookups, friends with benefits, and then boyfriend and girlfriend.

Boy #5- I feel like there’s three types of college relationships. One is a committed monogamous relationship, the other is an open-relationship with some commitment, and then there’s just friends with benefits.

Boy #6- I’d say there are three basic types; healthy, complacent, and unhealthy. These three types are a constant variable, but the context in which the said relationships exist varies extensively depending on the situation, distance, maturity, and etc.

2.             What do you think of the different types of college relationships?

Girl #1- There’s definitely a fine line between exclusively hooking-up and a relationship, and I think it’s weird not to call “exclusively hooking-up” a relationship but at the same time I can see why people don’t want to commit to something serious like that. They want to have fun in college and sleep with whoever they would like. I view “Exclusively Hooking-up” as a transitional period between just hooking-up and a full-on dating relationship.

Girl #2- I think that people want different things from their college experience and that is totally okay. However, I would note that I think it is important that both parties are informed and aware of what each person expects from the relationship. There are many ways for the relationship to go wrong; either one person is expecting more/less than the other, substances like alcohol lead to misinterpretations, etc.

Girl #3- I am a fan of college relationships as long as each individual still sees their friends and they aren’t entirely consumed in each other.

Girl #4- Marriage relationships/Forever Together are obnoxious relationships and the people involved are naïve. Long distance relationships are hard, but it is worth it if you see an end result with that person. I hate one-night stands, I know it is a part of the “college experience,” and even thought I hate it, I would participate, if I wasn’t in a relationship. I rather be in a relationship than have one-night stands. 

Girl #5- Dating is great but rare. One-night stands are fine if there are no feelings. I personally do not participate in one-night stands because I want to really know the person and trust them before I sleep with them. Casual hooking-up is very complicated because feelings usually get involved. And friends with benefits usually gets very complicated too.

Girl #6- I honestly don’t have any “feelings” about these relationships because at the end of the day people should be able to do or sleep with whoever they want. 

Boy #1 - I think these types of relationships have always existed in college.

Boy #3- I think they’re all interesting, and like I mentioned I think most people just fall into the casual relationship category which is fine.

Boy #4- I think a good friend base is the most important and it isn’t always necessary to be in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.

Boy #5- I think each relationship shows the romantic maturity of the people involved. They allow people to grow as they progress toward a more serious commitment, by experimenting with open relationships and various flings with various people. College is a time for making mistakes and learning about how to function as an adult in the next stage of our lives, so these different types of relationships enhance our growth as people and our understanding of the romantic world.

Boy #6- I don’t have a specific personal opinion on any relationships outside of my own. I may observe destructive tendencies, incompatibility, or absence of trust present in the relationship of my friends but it’s not my place to intervene unless the relationship in question becomes abusive. The relationship I am currently in is extremely healthy and the long distance has actually been a positive, as it has allowed for myself and my girlfriend to develop friendships, experience new things, and focus on our class work independent of one another to a certain extent. We have found the healthy balance of independence and reliance on one another, but I can only say that with confidence in regard to my own current relationship

3.             What college relationship do u prefer?

Girl #1- I prefer being in a relationship. That way you can avoid the drama of multiple people being involved.

Girl #2- I have always been the type of person to have close, deep friendships. I am acquainted with many, but great friends with a few. I have always followed the same pattern in my romantic relationships. I prefer to get to know the person and have it potentially lead to a loyal monogamous relationship instead of hooking-up once and moving on.

Girl #4- I prefer long-distance relationships because I like my own space. I believe that time apart makes the heart grow fonder. A long-distance relationship allows me to do my school work and hang out with friends. If you date someone seriously in college, it is like you are married and practically live with them.

Girl #5- I don’t do one-night stands, not a big fan, but I will meet a guy at a party and make-out and dance with him on the dance floor, and then go home with my friends. Flirting is so much fun! I prefer dating. I did have a boyfriend freshman year in college. We met at school and then he asked me to dinner off campus and we started dating after that.

Girl #6- I prefer single :)

Boy #1- I prefer all different types of relationships.

Boy #3- I definitely prefer something casual, where we could be cute and cuddle together and stuff, but also lead our own lives, and not always be down each other’s throats. But I’m definitely still looking for the type of relationship I prefer.

Boy #4- I prefer having friends and being in a friends with benefit relationship and not a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.

Boy #5- Right now I prefer flings or hook-ups because I think I’m a little wary of having a commitment right now. But I hope that by the time I leave college, or am close to leaving college, I find someone who I would want to be committed to.

Boy #6- I don’t have a preference as I’ve only been in one relationship in college so far, which is the relationship I am currently in. I would say with confidence that I am extremely happy and find great fulfillment in my relationship.

4.     How do you date in college?

Girl #1- Dating in college is hard because school takes up a lot of time, and students don’t have a lot of money to spend on dates. My idea of dating in college is going to the movies, grabbing a meal together on or off campus every once in a while, or just hanging out; whether it’s doing homework together or just spending any kind of time together because everyone is so busy!

Girl #2- I have dated the same person throughout my college career. I stayed single through the majority of freshman year to experience college for myself first. Towards the end of my first year I became really close with a guy that lived in my dorm. He has been my best friend ever since and I am so lucky to date him.

Girl #4- Have fun with it! Go on fun dates! Make it different and exciting!

Girl #5- I didn’t think that the guy I ended up dating and I would really date, I just thought he was a player and wanted to hook-up and I was not interested in that. I am a big fan of commitment but once he asked me on a date I knew that it wasn’t just about hooking-up for him. We went on a couple of dates, so once out to dinner off campus and then we would go and play basketball, or some kind of sport together or just sit on the quad and hang out. We even went to the library together and sat in silence as we worked. We started dating at the end of the spring semester, so we ended up dating long distance for the summer, but he did visit me. There are such things as nice college boys! Not all guys just want to hook-up. But dating in college is kind of rare.

Girl #6- I don’t!

Boy #1- I don’t date in college, it’s very rare to truly date in college.

Boy #3- It’s been pretty casual for me in my past, in terms of meeting people and going on dates in coffee shops, restaurants, and stuff like that.

Boy #4- I don’t, I tried but it didn’t work out, and I don’t do one-night stands EVER.

Boy #5- I don’t really date in college because I feel that I’m still young and I want to be with many people so that I can decide which type of person I’m most compatible with.

Boy #6- Unfortunately, there isn’t a set of guidelines or rules that apply to dating in college. It varies depending on the individuals involved in that said relationship. Things that I believe work in any relationship, regardless of the context, include: respect for one another, a level of independence, and a desire to have a positive impact in the life of the other individual in the relationship.

5.     Have you ever hooked up with a friend? Should you? How was the relationship like after that?

Girl #1- Yes. I would advise not to because it can put a strain on your friendship with the person. In my situation we became friends after we started hooking-up. We decided we should just be friends, however we hooked-up a few more times after the fact, which caused some tension and some drama because emotions got involved. As a result, the friendship also fizzled out.

Girl #2-The only friend I hooked up with is the one I’m currently dating, and I decided it was okay because I knew it had the potential to lead to more.

Girl #3- I have hooked up with a friend before and it was a little awkward in the following weeks but eventually it was fine, and we are still good friends.

Girl #4- Never hook-up with a friend. You should if you have feelings for the person and you believe it could turn into something more, because the best relationships start out as friendships. But you’ve been warned!

Girl #5- Yes, I did. I went as his date to his fraternity formal, as a friend, and he ended up kissing me on the dance floor after we both had one too many beverages. It seriously ruined our friendship. We were really good friends, we used to get lunch ever week and just hang out, and then it all went downhill from there. We both wouldn’t talk to each other because it just made our friendship complicated. I had feelings for him which I never admitted to him because he was dealing with an on-and-off again girlfriend. But by the end of the semester I think we finally got over it and are now friends again. But DONT DO IT unless you both have feelings for each other!

Girl #6- I haven’t hooked-up with friend but still would not recommend.

Boy #1- I have hooked-up with a friend. I mean why not? We’re still friends and actually have a streak on Snapchat.

Boy #2- I haven’t hooked-up with a close friend but a mutual friend yes. We went from being mutual friends to pretty much avoiding each other afterwards. It was pretty awkward. I didn’t lose that much when we hooked-up because we weren’t really close, but it was annoying especially on a small campus to have to try to avoid the person.

Boy #3- I have hooked-up with friends historically especially while under the influence of drugs and alcohol in the past, and it has never ended well for me, so that is all I will say about that. But I am sure in the end it will eventually work out...

Boy #4- Yes, I have hooked-up with a few friends. You should not. The relationships become awkward, because the friend may think you want more even though you don’t. You also then can’t tell that friend certain things because it will get them upset. Long story short, don’t do it!

Boy #5- I’ve hooked-up with two friends. It was really funny because one relationship stayed the exact same as if nothing had occurred and actually made us closer, while the other hook-up caused intense awkwardness and took a while for the smoke to clear and for us to be friends again.

Boy #6- No, at least not a friend that I didn’t end up dating. The question of should you hook-up with a friend, or anyone for that matter, is subject to one’s personal beliefs and sense of morality.

6.             How do you feel about one-night stands? If you had them where do you meet? Do you give back/get back the “walk of shame” outfit? Do you leave before they wake up or walk home?

Girl #1- People react to one-night stands differently. I have no problems with them, but if you’re one to get emotionally involved easily I would advise to stay away. People tend to find their one-night stands at parties or when they’re out at bars. When it comes to “stride of pride” clothes, I’ve never borrowed clothes from a guy, except for shoes. If it was a t-shirt I wouldn’t give it back unless they said they wanted it back when they let you wear it home. However, if a guy gives me his shoes to wear home, I have given them back in the past. Staying the night depends on whether I can sleep or not. Because we’re in college, we sleep in twin beds which are hard to share with another person. Therefore, I only stay the night if I can actually sleep pressed up against the other person comfortably.

Girl #2- I don’t mind when other people have one-night stands, but I personally don’t have them myself. My suitemate once said it well when she said, “It is not a walk of shame, it’s a stride of pride... as long as the night was a good one!"

Girl #3- I’m not really a fan of one-night stands...I wish they would want to hang out multiple times and not just hook-up.

Girl #4- I would do it if I was not dating my boyfriend. It is part of college culture, and part of the college experience. One-night stands only work if there are no emotions involved ever.

Girl #5- I am not a fan, I want to trust the person before I sleep with them. But I am all about a dance floor make-outs. One-night stands usually meet at a frat party or a bar.

Girl #6- I don’t have one-night stands. People meet at bars and then leave together. And you just put your outfit back on and leave right when you wake up.

Boy #1- One-night stands are fine with me, I haven’t done a lot of them, I usually have known the person prior. Usually people first meet at a frat house or a club. I’ve actually never had to give an article of clothing to the person to wear back nor did they ask for any pieces of clothing to wear. For me, no one has ever stayed the night. I usually walk them home too and I usually kick them out when they overstay their welcome.

Boy #2- I have had a one-night stand and while I am not sure they sit well with my morals, I have done them. I went to his place and definitely left afterwards. I think the whole point of a one-night stand in my opinion is limiting the emotional connection for a solely physical release. In the stress of college (especially when alcohol is involved) they can be a good way to completely forget about everything else going on.

Boy #3- I have had several one-night stands in my life, and always have to do the walk of shame home afterwards. I have always had a roommate in college, and don’t feel good about kicking them out for the whole night, I choose to go over to the other person’s room and then walk home. So, I’ve slept over at people’s houses several times. Normally I don’t leave before they wake up just because I normally just have sex with them again in the morning. I normally walk home, or take mass transit home because it normally happens in the city. I usually don’t take their clothes home. I’ll just wear their clothes to bed and then take them off in the morning.

Boy #4- No one-night stands ever. I always want all my t-shirts back. I am still missing a few…

Boy #5- I think one-night stands are totally fine. We’re young so we can be stupid and make mistakes. Better to get all those one-night stands out of your system in college so you feel like you didn’t miss anything when you’re older. I usually go to the person’s place, they rarely come to mine so I’m the one usually doing the walk of shame. The way it usually happens is either we see each other at a party and leave together or text about meeting up and then go to someone’s apartment. Sometimes I’ll leave right after we hook-up or sometimes in the morning. Depends on the day and the person.

Boy #6- I do not have any experience with one-night stands and have not participated in one since I started college. My fraternity brothers and other friends certainly have one-night stands, and I don’t see any issues with it, as long as it is consensual. My fraternity brothers/friends usually meet girls at bars or fraternity parties. I don’t really have an opinion on the walk of shame or anything relating to one-night stands in general. The only piece of advice I can really give on the subject would be directed towards guys, don’t be an asshole and make sure it’s consensual.

7.    Tell a funny or awkward story!

Girl #2- Before we started dating, my boyfriend and I would sit on the balcony outside out dorm really late at night. The girls from my hall would come out and act like 3rd graders asking “when are you guys going to start dating?!” Thinking that we were simply best friends I always turned red and got nervous that it would cause him to stop wanting to hang out with me. Turns out he wanted the same things I did… the rest is history!

Girl #4- My boyfriend and I had just started dating and my boyfriend’s house was being renovated. We decided to make a trip over to the house under construction and spend the night. Little did we know that his mom had set up cameras in the house and caught us sleeping together. At 6am the next morning, his mom showed up and woke us up. I was mortified. I hadn’t met his mom yet, but this proves that first impressions aren’t everything, since then we have been dating for two years.

Girl #5- On the last day of class, I went to a party and saw this cute guy from my English class. This guy thought I was dating a friend of mine who was also in our class, but nope. So, this guy was flirting with me and asked me to go home with him, I was a bit drunk and wasn’t thinking clearly, so I said yes, and then all of a sudden, I invited him back to my room and we were making-out and then I realized he was wayyyyy shorter than me… Had to kick him out, but good kisser!

Boy #1- I hooked up with a girl in a panda onesie, so if I can get it in a panda onesie anyone can.

Boy #3- One time this guy on Grindr that I had never spoken to before sent me a message saying, “did I see you picking up food at the seafood shack today around 6 pm” and he had actually been picking me up food, so then I blocked him.

Boy #4- One of my roommates loves one-night stands. Every morning, he asks me to bring the girl back to campus, and I do. It’s a new girl every morning.


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